The Randomness of Two Fanfic Writers
by LoveMagicandMints
Summary: Includes fervent Dramione, two versions of Draco Malfoy, Nereza from my fanfic, Spike from 'Buffy', intense snogging, hilarity, Chris from 'Charmed', Truth or Dare with Veritaserum, food fights, cuddling, and Murtagh from 'The Inheritance Cycle'.
1. Chapter 1: Wishful Thinking

The Randomness of Two FanFic Writers (Story Format)

**The Randomness of Two FanFic Writers (Story Format)**

**Part 1: Wishful Thinking**

Includes fervent Dramione, two versions of Draco Malfoy, Nereza from my fanfic, Spike from 'Buffy', intense snogging, hilarity, Chris from 'Charmed', Truth or Dare with Veritaserum, food fights, cuddling, and Murtagh from 'The Inheritance Trilogy'.

A/N: First off…yes. Yes, Laurie and I are absurdly and delightfully obsessive. (I'm Helen, by the way.) This began on co-written through e-mail, and kept going back and forth until we had pages and pages of hilarity. Do enjoy.

Secondly, for sake of being able to differentiate one from the other, Laurie's Draco is called 'Draco' and mine is 'Malfoy'. Confusing, yes, but oh well.

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Helen walked in to find Laurie sacked out on the plush couch, reading, her short brown hair obscuring her face. She grinned and walked lightly over to her.

"You're gunna haaaate me," she said in a sing-song voice, coming up behind her and giving her friend's head a playful push.

"Why?" Laurie asked absently, still absorbed in her book.

"Because I'm putting Herms and Ronald together."

Laurie turned violently to stare at her with a staggered expression. Helen grinned widely and continued, "It's coming up much later in the story, but I just thought I'd tell you ahead of time to soften the blow." Seeing Laurie reach behind her, she hastily added, "Don't throw things!"

Laurie brought out a pillow and chucked it at her; Helen didn't duck behind the back of the couch quite fast enough and got smacked in the head. She squealed and suddenly Draco Malfoy popped into existence beside her, blinking in surprise.

"Malfoy says don't hurt me!" Helen cried, smiling and peeking up to see Laurie's expression. She was ogling the sexy blonde Brit, all previous indignation seemingly dissolved.

"But…" she murmured, "uh…Ron and Mina…" Her eyes snapped back to Helen's and narrowed, picking her train of thought back up. "Hermione is supposed to be with Draco, not Ron! Yuck!" She reached for another pillow, and Helen quickly grabbed Malfoy and hid behind him.

"I don't want to be in the middle of this!" he exclaimed, lifting his arms and trying to wriggle away from his cowering author. "I think you deserve getting attacked by Laurie. Those two together are disgusting! Even more so than by themselves!"

"Noo, you have to be on my side, you traitor!" Helen replied, struggling to stay behind him. "I'm making the bloody story for you! I'll put _you_ with Ronald if you aren't nice to me!"

"The _hell_ you will!" Malfoy exclaimed, reaching around and yanking her out from behind him.

"Ow! Draco, you big ferret-brained bully! This version of you is my creation, you know. I can torture your sexy fictional self. I can make you go out on a date with McGonagall or...or...run around the school naked singing 'My Humps' or—"

"THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO STUFF YOUR ENTRAILS IN A BOX AND OWL IT TO DUMBELDORE!" he bellowed.

"You wouldn't dare!" she replied as she bounded away across the room.

"Watch me!"

"Laurie!" Helen shrieked, half laughing, half terrified, as she ran from him. "_Help_!"

Laurie's versions of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy appeared in the room, looking around in astonishment.

"Why is Helen being chased by another Draco?" Mina asked, watching interestedly as Helen kept herself separated from Malfoy by a coffee table.

"She threatened to have her character go on a date with McGonagall," Laurie answered, grinning.

Mina giggled. "I'd like to see that. Why aren't you helping her?"

"She said she's going to put her fanfiction's Hermione and Ron together."

Mina blinked and stuck out her tongue. "Gross." She slid her arm around her Draco. "Ron's an uber poofter. I only like brilliant Quidditch players, anyway."

"Watch it, Harry's pretty good on a broomstick," Laurie said, and Mina and Draco cracked up at her innuendo.

"Who says Hermione has to be with Draco?" Helen demanded, edging around the coffee table the opposite direction Malfoy was inching.

"Who says she should be with _anyone_?" growled Malfoy.

"Prick," Mina spat.

"Oh, he'll get better, don't worry," Helen said. "He has to fall in love with Nereza. You'll like the new you, Draco dear."

"_NO_!" Malfoy roared, and charged around the table at her. Helen shrieked as he tackled her to the ground.

"_DRACO_!"

"No wonder your Draco hates you," Laurie said, calmly watching Malfoy straddle Helen and give her a glare that would make a first-year wet their robes. "You didn't give him a personality makeover."

"Yeah, I loves my makeover," Draco chipped.

"Poofter alert, darling," Laurie replied.

"Your fault! You made me emotional!"

"You're also bipolar. One minute you're all lovey dovey and the next you're ranting and raving that the world hates you."

"You're talking like _you_ didn't make me that way."

Laurie shrugged, then looked at Helen, still trapped under Malfoy's weight on the floor. "Like your position down there?" she asked.

"Could be worse," Helen replied, grinning.

"Yup," Laurie said, "it could be Ron."

Malfoy barked out a laugh. "She's a lucky girl."

"What do have against poor Ronykins?" Helen asked, sitting up as Malfoy got off of her.

"Only everything," Malfoy said. "Dirty little blood traitor."

"Don't be rude, love."

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"Shh," Mina hushed as Helen and Laurie joined her in her contemplation of sleeping Draco. They sighed as one when he shifted slightly in his sleep and moaned softly.

"Shall I poke him?" Mina asked, grinning. She stuck a finger out and poked his shoulder.

"No more cupcakes, mommy, I'm full," he slurred sleepily. The girls shook with stifled giggles. Mina prodded him again.

"Crookshanks leave my teddy alone, you mean kitty," he mumbled.

The three roared with laughter and Draco spazzed awake with a "GAH!"

Mina, Helen, and Laurie sagged against each other, laughing uncontrollably. Draco's face went red and he grumbled indignantly.

"Wanna cupcake?" Laurie asked him, and the three howled with laughter again as he scowled at them.

"We love you, Dwaco," Mina giggled.

"Yeah, sure," he grumbled, laying back down on the couch.

"What's you teddy's name?" Helen managed to choke out.

"I hate you, Muggle," he grumbled.

"Draco," Laurie scolded, "I'll have none of that."

"Oh, that's okay," Helen shrugged, rising her eyebrows at Draco. "I'll just have I'll just have Ryan, Blaise, Harry, and Ron beat him up. And, newsflash, Laurie's a Muggle, too. And Mina is half-Muggle. And so is most everyone in the world except for your precious self. And—oh hey, there's mah Draco." She waved at the pallid hotshot as he entered the room.

"Why do I look so red in the face?" he asked, sauntering over.

"We were teasing your counterpart a little," she replied lightly. "He called me a Muggle."

"That must've been because you are one."

"I shall slap the both of you presently."

Malfoy side-stepped her swat and cocked his head, looking calculatingly at the other Draco. "I rather like having two of myself," he said. "I can admire my own gorgeousness."

"You're so full of yourself. I do hope you're aware of that," Helen replied, rolling her eyes dramatically.

"So they tell me. But I know you think so too. Don't try to fight it, love."

"I'd like to reject that, but…I can't," she sighed.

"Say it."

"Stop it, you bugger."

"C'mon."

"Your ego needs no more inflating."

Malfoy smirked. "Say it!"

"Bloody hell, all right! You're unbelievably bad-ass holy-bloody-fucking-gorgeous. I hope you're happy now."

"Ecstatic. I admit I enjoying hearing that a tad more than I should."

Helen batted her eyes playfully. "It's my Veela coming through."

"Uh-huh. Right," Malfoy snorted.

"Some writers make Draco a Veela," Laurie mused. "Mine's not...but he's still just as gorgeous. Gorgeous. I feel like we're using that word too much."

"Try 'sexy'," Malfoy interjected.

"I truly need to do something about that ego," Helen mused. "Nereza will take it down a few notches soon."

Malfoy's smirk disappeared. "How?"

"Oh, I don't know, probably in a highly-public, mortifying, make-you-whimper kind of way."

"She wouldn't dare."

Helen cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Okay," he said, "maybe she would. But _you_ wouldn't dare let her!"

"Scared, Potter?" Helen asked, grinning.

"_You wish_!" Laurie laughing, and the two ran away from glaring Malfoy, who chased after them spouting random threats.

Mina sat down next to Draco, who slid his arm around her.

"Hello, love," he said softly. Mina smiled, ignoring the shrieks from Helen and Laurie.

"Hey."

Draco pulled her against him and sighed contentedly. He watched Malfoy chase the girls for a quiet moment.

"I don't like that version of me," he said. "I prefer having a girlfriend that loves me and many happy endings. That one looks like the world hates him."

"That's because Helen made him an arse," she replied.

"Am I am—?" he asked grinningly.

"A loveable prat," Laurie answered, breathlessly running up to them and hiding behind the couch as Malfoy chased Helen. "Who's, coincidently, bipolar."

"I am _not_," Draco argued exasperatedly.

"Okay," Laurie shrugged, "so maybe I'm just bipolar."

He rolled his eyes. "Girls are always bipolar."

"Be nice," Mina said, "or no movies or Alfredo tonight."

"Yes, dear," Draco said quickly.

"Someone's whipped," Malfoy sneered as he threw his wriggling creator over his shoulder and brought her over to the couch. He stopped dead as Mina's wandtip whipped out.

"Watch it, Malfoy," she said coolly. She grinned threateningly. "I see you remember how good I am with this."

Malfoy slowly set Helen down and raised a hand. "Easy, Granger." When her wand lowered, he grabbed his author and hauled her onto an armchair with him.

"What movie are you planning to watch tonight?" Laurie asked, watching amusedly as Helen squirmed to get out of Malfoy's lap in vain. She finally gave up and sat with her arms crossed tightly.

"'The Notebook'," Mina answered. Laurie laughed.

"What?" said Draco. "I like that movie. It's kinda like my life, 'cept it's inverted."

"True," Laurie replied.

"You did give me a brain, y'know."

"You needed _some_ qualities that would earn you Head Boy."

"_Hey_! I'm misunderstood, okay?!"

"I know, love, I know."

Mina kissed him on the cheek and then conjured a pot to hang in midair beside her. She set a levitating flame under it and added some noodles to boil.

"Alfredo time," she said, smiling.

"Mina makes some kick-ass pasta," Draco said, watching her fondly.

Laurie suddenly gasped animatedly and pointed at the Alfredo bowl. "That boiling noodle is dancing!"

Everyone watched the noodle for a moment. Draco, Laurie, Helen, and Mina 'Ooh'ed collectively.

"You are all loony beyond words," Malfoy said flatly.

Laurie cracked up with laughter. "NOODLE!"

Helen shook her head, watching her friend with vague worry. "Think she'll be alright?"

"I doubt it," Malfoy answered. He smirked and adjusted her on his lap.

"Will you let me go yet?"

"Nah."

She rolled her eyes and watched as Mina stirred the pasta with a motion of her wand. Mina smiled and kissed her Draco lightly on the lips.

"Aw, look at them, Malfoy," she said.

He shook his head disgustedly. "I just don't understand it. Granger is such an obnoxious prat. And a nerd. Who has enough time to memorize schoolbooks? It's ridiculous."

Everyone around him turned to glare at him.

"But…I suppose that was an unwise thing to say considering the company…"

"Don't you ever insult my Mina again, um…Malfoy. D'you understand? That big-headed git thing is not going to fly here," Draco growled.

Malfoy scowled at him coolly. "I don't know how that Laurie person could have warped your fictional mind so much as to think Granger even remotely appealing."

Draco moved to get off the couch, but Malfoy held up his hands. "Wait-wait-wait—think about this. You're about to attack _yourself_. Don't you think that is a little messed up? I mean, we're the only ones we've got."

"We are different people! And maybe _you're_ alone, but _I_ have _her_," Draco said, pointing at Mina.

"Blagh, spare me," Malfoy scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You and I don't need anybody. Especially not Granger. Y'know she comes with the whole bloody Trio, right? You two are on totally opposite sides!"

Draco glared at Helen and pointed at Malfoy. "FIX HIM!"

"I will, I will, calm down, Draco," she said quickly.

"I am _fine_ the way I _am_," Malfoy growled, dumping her unceremoniously off his lap. Helen got up, scowling at him, and walked over to sit next to Laurie who just put in the movie. Draco slumped back down next to Mina.

"I can't believe I was ever such an arse," he muttered.

"Belive it, love," Mina replied and snuggled into him. Draco put an arm around her and brought her closer as Malfoy made an exasperated noise.

"I'm outta this twisted love fest," he growled, and stood up and left the room.

Mina poured some things into the pasta and stirred. "Alfredo's done!"

She cooled the pasta a little with her wand, thickening the sauce, and served it. Helen took a bite and poked Laurie who was fixated on the TV as Ryan Gosling had no shirt on.

"Laurie? Bunny?" she giggled.

"Mm…"

Helen laughed and looked around the room. "Now that Malfoy's gone I feel alone." She smiled and suddenly Nereza _popped_ into the room, whipping her wand out and darting her eyes around angrily.

"Hello, Nereza dear. We were just starting a movie. Care to join?" Helen said, waving her over. Nereza rolled her eyes and walked over, slipping her wand back in her robe pocket.

"What're you watching?" she asked, then stopped dead when she saw Draco and Hermione. "W-What's he doing here? What's _she_ doing here?!"

"It's fine, Nereza, they're Laurie's characters. Nothing like the ones you're used to."

Nereza walked slowly forward, and her eyes widened when she saw Draco's arm around Mina. She laughed in disbelief. "How is that possible? How did Laurie _make_ that possible?"

"Watch it," Draco said, scowling. "Who are you, anyway? One of Helen's OCs?"

"And a good one too, thank you very much," Nereza snapped, sitting down next to Helen.

"OCs are never as good as the original characters," Draco replied haughtily.

Nereza glared daggers at him. "You might as well be an OC, you're so different from the real Draco. With _Hermione_," she scoffed. _Honestly_."

"Look, bitch—" Draco began angrily.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Laurie said quickly. "Play nice, children. Nereza, don't be a bitch. Draco, don't be so touchy. Okay?"

Draco sighed exaggeratedly and crossed his arms. "Fine."

Nereza scowled at Laurie. "I don't take orders from Muggles."

"In case you hadn't noticed, babe," Helen said quickly before Laurie could get her two cents in, "your creator's a Muggle."

"That's different."

"The rules about insulting someone's friend aren't."

Nereza sighed, then abruptly changed topics. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you," she said with an annoyed look at Helen, "Why do you keep giving me feeling for Malfoy? He's a bastard. And my enemy."

"All part of God's plan," Helen replied with a mischievous smile.

"So you're God now?" said Laurie.

"Aren't all writers Gods somewhere?" she replied dreamily.

"True," Laurie answered, then took a slurp of fettuccini.

Helen sighed. "Young love." Nereza blanched, and she added, giggling, "Not you—Noah and Ali."

"Oh."

"Give it time, Nereza," Mina said. "He's irresistible."

"Shut it, Mudblood," Malfoy said, walking back in the room.

Draco glared at him and pointed the knife in his hand at him. "Stop badmouthing my woman!"

Malfoy opened his mouth to retort when he spotted Nereza staring at him and froze. "_What's she doing here_?" he hissed.

Helen waved her hand at him dismissively. "I wanted to add more to our little party. Get over it."

"Traitor," Malfoy spat at Nereza.

"Egotist," she returned coolly.

"Liar."

"Coward."

"Bitch!"

"Arse!"

"SHUT UP!" Laurie bellowed. "Geez! You're squabbling like second-graders! Get over your problems and let us watch our bloody movie!"

Nereza looked away from Malfoy and at the TV as he dropped into an armchair. Helen resumed _The Notebook_, and put her empty Alfredo bowl aside. She opened her hands and a big popcorn bowl blinked into existence. She munched some, then glanced at Nereza mischievously, and threw a fistful at her face.

Nereza looked sideways at her. "You're a strange one."

Helen giggled and threw another little piece which bounced off Nereza's nose and Nereza made a face. Suddenly, a stream of popcorn opened in the air above Nereza's head and poured down on her, streaming onto the couch and floor.

"_AAHHGG_!" she shrieked, leaping up sputtering, wand in hand. She glared lividly at Helen as the popcorn stopped pouring down.

"I didn't do it!" Helen exclaimed, cowered into the couch before her rage. "Don't hurt your author!"

Nereza whirled and saw Malfoy smirking. "_You_!" she yelled, hurling a jinx at him. Malfoy rocketed upward, yelling.

"_Yowwwwww_!"

"Oh, c'mon, Nereza, it was just a joke," Draco interjected. "A bloody great one, too…" He trailed off as Nereza smoldered him with her murderous glare. Her eyes flicked after Malfoy who was making a beeline for the door. "I'll deal with you later," she hissed threateningly before taking off after him.

"Oh no you won't," Mina said, putting a protective arm around her man.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, this is a good part!" Helen exclaimed, and all faces turned back toward the screen. Helen absently took a handful of popcorn from the pile on the couch beside her where her character had been previously seated and popped it in her mouth.

"Yum, he made it buttery."

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_Hahaha yeah. And check out DarknessAngel013's profile—she has the original version—not in story form. _


	2. Chapter 2: Angels and Demons

**The Randomness of Two FanFic Writers (Story Format)**

**Part 2: Angels and Demons**

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Helen looked away from the ending credits of The Notebook to see tears on Laurie's face. "Laurie?" she asked tentatively.

"Why is romance so fictional?" she sighed despondently. "Why can't we find it in real life?"

"I found it," Mina said softly.

Laurie smiled sadly. "You don't exist. Not really. You're a creation of JK Rowling."

Draco rubbed Mina's back as she looked away, hurt. "Now look what you've done, Laurie. Geez, you need to be cheered up." He reached over and tickled her.

Laurie couldn't help but giggle, then guffaw. "HAA! STOP IT!" she squealed, squirming.

"RETALIATION!" Helen yelled, and began to tickle Draco, who started laughing while still tickling Laurie.

"Agh! Stop!" he laughed. "Mina!"

Mina reached across the couch to tickle Helen, meanwhile leaving her stomach very vulnerable, which Laurie quickly took advantage of.

Nereza and Malfoy walked in, griping viciously. They stopped dead at the sight of the laughing, squealing people.

Malfoy chuckled. "Idiots."

Nereza nodded her consent, eyebrows raised. She glanced at Malfoy and blinked. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's contagious," he said, and jabbed a finger in her ribs.

Nereza yelped and glared at him. "What are you—_Ah_!" she exclaimed as he poked her again, a wicked grin on his face.

"_Draco_!"

He cackled and jabbed at her again. Nereza conjured a bucket of ice water and dumped it right on his head, making him jump and yell. The tickle fighting people stopped to look at him.

"BLOODY HELL!" he cried, and began running around in circles. "Ice in my pants!"

Nereza giggled and the rest of the group burst into laughter. Nereza walked over to them looking pound of herself as Malfoy continued to run around yelling.

"_Oooh_! Arg! _Ahh_!" he exclaimed, wriggling fiercely and shaking his pant leg—a piece of ice came flying out. "_There's a whole bloody ton up my p— _AHHH!" He tried to pull his pants away from his genitals, his face priceless. He glanced up to see the entire group laughing hysterically.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, NEREZA!" he bellowed. "_GAH_!" He danced around like he was on fire. "Oh, bloody hell!" He suddenly began to scramble out of his pants.

All the girls stopped laughing to ogle as Malfoy got them off and stood in his boxers in the middle of the room, glaring lividly at Nereza.

"NNGH! Bloody hell! Put that away!" Draco exclaimed.

Mina sniggered. "Heh-heh…arse butt…double negative…"

Draco looked at her. "I don't understand you sometimes…"

"I…prefer…NICE…guys…" Laurie said as she tried not to ogle.

"Like hell you do," came a sexy male British voice, and heads turned to see a tall, pale young man dressed in all black come into the room, smirking. Malfoy hurried out of the room, his face red.

Laurie made a strange noise between a squeak and a gasp. "Spike…" she breathed, her eyes sparkling.

"Oh man," Helen murmured. "He's so much better in person. Ah, vampires."

"Ello, everyone," Spike said grinningly. He winked at Laurie. "And 'ello love."

Speech appeared to be beyond Laurie at the moment. She gazed at Spike with unconcealed rapture.

"There's going to be a British hotness overload, here," Helen chuckled.

"He's _mine_," Laurie murmured.

The girls laughed.

"I think we got that part, Laurie," Mina giggled.

Spike came up to stand in front of Laurie, and Helen got up to let him sit next to her, rolling her eyes.

"Have fun, Bunny," she chuckled. "You're one lucky chica."

"Mm-hm…"

Helen laughed as she sat down next to Nereza in a couch off to the side. Nereza scooted over, watching as Spike dropped down next to Laurie and masterfully moved his arm up over the couch back beside her head.

"He's off-limits, Nereza," Helen warned.

Nereza pursed her lips. "Very well."

"Y'know," Helen sighed, "I need a guy. Mina has Draco and you have Draco—"

"I have no Draco!" she replied indignantly.

"You're so tiresome," she sighed. "But that's beside the point." Helen tapped her chin, mulling over a list of possibilities. "I think we have enough HP characters…mm…Oliver James? Jeremy Sumpter? No, enough Brits. Hm…Pete Wentz…Mat Dallas…OH! YES! DREW FULLER AS CHRIS IN CHARMED!!!"

Chris appeared, blinking, and Helen waves excitedly. "_God_, I love him. He was amazing in 'The Ultimate Gift', too. _Mm_."

"Must you always bring him?" Laurie grumbled. "I don't like 'im."

"He's not for you," Helen replied, grinning at Chris who sat next to her and put an arm around her. Helen snuggled into him, sighing contentedly. "Y'know, it amuses me how we always bring fictional magical guys. It shows what we think of the population of males in reality."

"Hold on," Nereza said slowly. "So...if you just, like, want someone here, they're here?"

"Not for you!" Helen chirped. "Only the authors can do that." She watched with curiosity as Nereza's face fell slightly. "Why? Who would you bring here?"

"Oh, er, no one."

"Marietta? Edric? You know, you've got to let go of your old friends and make new. Like a certain delicious Mr. Malfoy who if you don't get with soon I might just hoard for myself."

Nereza scowled and said nothing.

"You don't open up," Helen said. "I know you, y'know. You're afraid to open up because you've always been alone when it comes to guys, and you thought you liked it that way. And then along comes Mr. Malfoy, dashing, internally-tormented Mr. Malfoy, and you start having dreams about him and it intimidates you."

"He does _not_ intimidate me," Nereza argued stubbornly.

"Denial."

"He's an obnoxious, spoiled git who's being used by the Dark Lord because his family's in disgrace. He's a talentless, angry prick with no taste in girls and nothing beneath the surface."

"Nereza," Helen said gently, "you can't lie to me, you know. I know every thought that's every gone through your conniving mind, and I know you know there's a lot behind his silver-blue eyes. One thing you have to realize about Malfoy is that everything you see on the outside is his protection. A shell. He doesn't want to appear as powerless and alone as he feels, caught up in dark powers he was given no choice in from before he was born." She sighed with the romance of it all.

Nereza looked away. "That is why I'm stronger than he is. I chose."

"Really? Hm. Seems to me he's been dealing his whole life and you've only been in on it all for little over a year." She sighed, her brow furrowing. "I really need to get farther along in my story. The absence of real romance is killing me. Chris, tell me to get my lazy arse to work."

"Get your lazy arse to work."

Helen grinned at his fairly decent British accent.

"Who are you?" Spike asked, looking at Chris. Chris glanced up and his eyes widened and hardened when he took in the blonde vampire.

"Helen, he's a demon," he growled.

"Chris," Laurie warned, "if you call your mother, father, or aunts, I will kill you! I don't want my Spike all dusty-dusty. I like him whole."

Helen laughed and Chris' eyes narrowed. Suddenly there was a noise from the corner where Draco and Mina were playing wizard's chess.

"God dammit!" Draco exclaimed, plopping a wounded finger into his mouth. "Why'd you do that?"

Mina rolled her eyes. "He was aiming for the Queen, not your finger. Don't try and protect your pieces next time."

"You lot are a scary bunch," Spike said. "It's like being in the scoobies all over again. Except with better looking women."

Laurie blushed scarlet and Helen chuckled and muttered, "He's so full of it."

Her friend shot her a look. "Don't ruin my compliment. They doesn't happen often from Spike."

"Mm, I should work on that," Spike said, looking smolderingly into Laurie's eyes. She melted into the couch, opening and closing her mouth soundlessly.

"Wow, you left her speechless. Quite a feat, I must say," Helen said.

"Again with the ruining!" Laurie exclaimed.

"Why don't you focus you attention back on your little boytoy, 'Ellen," Spike said.

Helen's eyes flashed. "Chris is NOT a boytoy, you pasty jerk! He could vanquish your ass in a second!"

"I'd like to see him try," Spike growled.

"I'd like to take you up on that," Chris returned, glaring at him.

"Boys!" Laurie interjected firmly. "Spike, just ignore him. I don't like him either. He's not a good a very good Whitelighter, anyway—you could totally take him."

"He could _not_, Laurie," Helen argued, standing. "C'mon Chris, let's leave them to their…whatever."

"Why are you letting your friend _cuddle_ with a _demon_?" Chris hissed, ignoring Helen's attempt to get him up.

She sighed. "This demon's a little more complicated. He tries to be a good guy, he really does. He's just…confrontational." She glanced at Spike a smiled a little. "Try not to look at him like a demon, because he's not—in your sense of the word, at least."

"Take that, witchy," Spike said smugly.

"_Spike_," Helen groaned, grabbing Chris' sleeve as he threw the vampire a murderous glare. "C'mon, Chris, let's go." She began to drag him over to a far corner of the room with some cozy couches.

Chris wrapped his arms around her and said, "I know a shorter way."

Helen grinned. "Ya do, huh?"

"Mm-hm." He orbed them in a swirl of blue lights over to the couches and pushed her on one, falling on top of her as she laughed.

Laurie turned back to Spike and her eyes widened. "Spike, you've got the 'I could eat you alive' look in your eyes. You're creeping me out."

"Come here, pet."

"Heh…no." She jumped up and sped away. Spike jumped up, a fiendish look of delight on his features. "Ah, the chase." He took off after her.

Laurie ran and hid in the bathroom behind the shower curtain. "Zomg…zomg…"

Spike burst down the door. "You're too easy!" he roared, ripping the shower curtain away and throwing shrieking Laurie over his shoulder. He walked back out into the main room and dropped her onto a couch, straddling her.

"Now, then, where were we?" he asked, grinning.

{A hot and sweaty romantic scene between Laurie and Spike ensues that's censored to the public. _I_ would give you all the lovely details, but Laurie so happened to write this part. }

"I like censoring," Laurie smiled, blushing. She watched with amusement as Spike nursed a bite mark on his neck.

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed.

"You tried to bite me—I bit back."

"I wouldn't have succeeded! My little chip kinda prevents that sorta thing."

Laurie laughed. "See, I thought it was kinda kinky..."

Spike laughed, then glanced at Helen and Chris making out in their corner, then at Mina and Draco who had pushed the chessboard to the floor, kissing across the table. "All of this is making me rather horny. Best watch out, love."

Laurie blushed profusely. "Zomg…get away, William…"

"How 'bout a wet T-shirt contest?"

I'm in an orange shirt, you dolt. So I refuse to get wet for no reason!"

"Oh, there's a reason," he replied, dumping a bucket of water over her head.

Helen heard Laurie's shriek and pulled away from Chris to look. "Uh, Chris? What're they doing over there?"

"Wet T-Shirt contest," he replied with a laugh." He grinned. "It _is_ rather warm in here."

"You better not be implying anything there, buddy."

"Nah. I respect you."

Helen snorted and Chris looked at her.

"You just snorted," he said.

"You just used a corny line."

"I thought you liked corniness."

"When it's serious and honest."

"I was being serious! And honest!"

"No male could ever say that in honesty."

"You're much too severe upon us. I thought you were a romantic."

"I am. I'm also realistic."

"You can't be both."

"Now the truth comes out."

"No—I meant—agh, that's not what I meant! Let's backtrack here. Back to the beginning. Ahem. _The temperature in this room is a tad warmer than is desirable, but it in no way instigates my sexual impulses._"

Helen cracked up. "That was impressive! A load of bullshit, but an impressive load of bullshit!"

"I'll grant you that so we don't start arguing again."

"Aha! He admits he wants—"

"Stop reading into what I say like that! I could grovel at your feet and you'd still tease."

"So you're not going to rape me?"

"Stop it! Where is this coming from? C'mon, you know me better than that!!"

Helen cracked up. "You're simply too cute when you're trying to defend yourself."

"You just twist everything I say."

"Yep."

He pulled her closer to him. "Then screw words," he murmured, and kissed her passionately. Laurie watched them and then turned to pout at Spike.

"Why can't _you_ be romantic?"

Spike wrinkled his nose. "I will not be corny like him, that's not who I am. You wouldn't like me so much if I were a cheeseball."

She smirked. "You know, I think you're right."

"Always."

Laurie rolled her eyes and looked at Draco and Mina sacked out by the fireplace, Nereza in an armchair by them.

"Wanna join them?" she asked him, gesturing at the group.

"Absolutely." He stood, taking her offered hand and walked up beside Draco and Mina against pillows in front of the fire and Nereza and Malfoy sitting next to each other stiffly, glancing at one another every couple seconds. He lay down and Laurie laid her head on his chest.

Helen watched them, tracing patterns on Chris' chest as he kissed her head gently. "You know, everyone's over there. We ought to join them."

"Can we not? The demon's still over there."

"My dear, I assure you Spike's intelligence is quite equal to yours, if not snappier with tart British comebacks."

"Gah! I'm insulted!"

"Chris, your lives are in two different contexts, please understand. In your world, demons are, on the most part, dim-witted brutes who pester you on a weekly—sometimes daily—basis. Where Spike comes from, demons—vampires—are much bigger players in the storyline. He's a bit rough around the edges, yes, but you have to give him a chance."

"He's just a lady's man, that's why you like him."

"Well, that too. So shall we join them? I'd rather like to watch my two characters grow on each other when the pressures of their normal lives are absent. Their relationship won't be anywhere near that easy in my story, so they should enjoy it while I let them."

"Mm-hm," he replied, getting up and walking with her over to the fireside. Helen sat next to Nereza, Chris beside her. She poked Nereza's back. Nereza glanced away from her contemplation of Malfoy and blushed.

Helen blinked. "Oh my. It's worse than I thought." She looked at Malfoy. "Malfoy, you're a ugly, pompous git."

Gazing at Nereza, Malfoy barely acknowledged she'd spoken. "Mm-hm." Nereza didn't look away from his eyes.

"Oh god. If they aren't separated quickly they'll turn into the two fluff-balls over there," Helen said, gesturing toward Draco and Mina.

Mina subtly turned Helen's hair the color of mustard and Helen didn't notice.

"Ewww…" Chris said.

Spike laughed. "'Ellen, your hair's the color of a dandelion."

"It's more brown than blonde, I think," she replied absently.

"Trust me," he chuckled. "Your hair is goldenrod."

Laurie sniggered. "He's right, babe."

"Helen, really," Chris said, "your hair turned the color of mustard all of a sudden."

Helen grabbed a stand and pulled it in front of her eyes. "Eegh!" She glanced at the nearest person with a wand. "Nereza, fix it!"

"But I like it," she smiled.

"AGH!" Helen shrieked. She turned and jumped on Chris. "You're a witch! Do a spell!"

"You're chokin' me, babe," Chris gasped.

Malfoy smirked, grabbed a heavy book from the coffee table and whacked Helen over the head with it. She slumped onto Chris, unconscious. Chris gently pushed her off him and glared at Malfoy.

"Jesus, kid, you didn't have to do that!"

"She was choking you," Malfoy returned, smugly.

"You've just been wanting to hit her, you jerk," Laurie said. "You're such an asshole!"

Chris arranged Helen's limp form against his side. "Why did you _do_ that? You her character!"

"And a fine one too," he replied, smirking. "I felt the need to knock her out. She was spazzing. And I though you would have thanked me, considering you were close to suffocating."

"She's not heavy or strong enough to suffocate me, and she was _not_ spazzing."

"Psh."

"What are you, twelve?"

Malfoy flared up. "You're asking for it," he growled. "You don't even have a wand on you!"

Chris laughed. "Look, I'm up to speed on this Harry Potter storyline. You kids can only do magic with wands and spells. You're in with this "Dark Lord" or whatever, but you've barely even really ever fought. I fight demons almost everyday and I would think twice before messing with me, kid."

Malfoy moved toward him, but Chris sent him flying across the room with a wave of his hand. Nereza did a quick hex in retaliation, and Chris doubled over in pain, clutching his stomach. He orbed Nereza and Mina who were drawing their wands to god-knows-where with a wave of his hand.

Enraged, Draco tackled him off the couch with a flying leap. Spike stood, looking angry. "HEY! HOLD IT THERE, WITCHIES! JESUS! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, HONESTLY?!" He strode over and wrenched the two guys apart.

Chris threw his hands off roughly. "Don't touch me, demon!"

Spike lost it, going vampire, and punched Chris hard across the jaw, sending him reeling. As Spike changed back, thinking the fight was over, Chris got up and kicked him sharply in the gut. He was about to move his arm to send Spike flying into the wall, but Spike grabbed it and twisted, making Chris roar with pain. Chris brought his other arm around furiously and socked him in the head.

"_GUYS_!" Laurie cried, standing, As Spike stumbled back, then leapt at Chris, and they fall to the floor, beating the shit out of each other.

Laurie watched in frozen shock, as Spike began to win, then Chris managed to throw him off just long enough to curl his hand into a fist, concentrating, and Spike crumpled to the ground.

Laurie burst into animation, falling to Spike's side, shrieking, "_WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM, YOU BASTARD_?!"

Chris stood, wincing and wiping his bleeding jaw with the back of his hand. "Calm yourself, I just knocked him out. I could've done much worse."

"Helen would kill you if she knew what you did!" Laurie yelled, red-faced in fury, cradling her vampire's head in her lap.

Chris glanced at Helen for a moment. "The demon wanted to fight me just as much as I wanted to fight him, and you know it. Cocky bastard."

Without a word, Laurie swiftly swiped a leg out and kicked him brutally where it hurts. Chris bent over double in pain with a sharp groan. "_Jesus_!" He waved his arm up and both his and Helen disappeared in a swirl of blue lights.

As they had disappeared, Mina and Nereza suddenly were orbed back into the room, both looking sick.

"Wha…wha…" Mina mumbled. Her eyes flickered to unconscious Draco lying slumped against the back wall. "_Draco_!" She ran to him and dropped beside him. "My god, what happened?!"

"All the guys went fucking crazy," Laurie exclaimed. "Chris and Spike went at it, and Chris used one of his charmed tricks to knock him out, then he orbed himself and Helen out of here. Mina, after you heal Draco, could you help with Spike?"

Mina nodded hurriedly, moving her wand over Draco. "_Episkey_." Draco sat up, blinking. Mina kissed the top of his head and got up and hurried to Laurie's side. "_Episkey_."

Spike leapt up and roared "WHERE IS THAT FUCKER CUZ I'M GUNNA MURDER HIM!"

"Spike!" Laurie exclaimed, jumping away from him. "Calm down. Spike! Geez! HEY! Calm down!"

Spike took a couple deep breaths, his expressions more humanlike. "Where'd he go? What'd he do to me? Where's his chick?"

"He used magic to knock you out. We have no idea where he orbed to with Helen. Sit down, please, Spike."

"Alright, alright," he growled, dropping onto a couch. Draco came over to sit by them as Mina healed Malfoy and the three walked back over.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Ooh, the drama! I know. We're ridiculous. But it is entertaining! Review please!_


	3. Chapter 3: Veritaserum

The Randomness of Two FanFic Writers (Story Format)

**The Randomness of Two FanFic Writers (Story Format)**

**Part 3: ****Veritaserum**

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

--Add:--

Two human girls

One Hermione (seasoned by Laurie)

Two Dracos (one mixed with fluff, the other angst)

One sexy British vampire

A pinch of Murtagh

8 vials of Veritaserum

A sprinkling of inside jokes

A peppering of tart British slang

--Mix well--

--Stand back--

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris held Helen's limp form in his arms at the wind blew her still-yellow-colored hair across her face. He brushed it back with a hand.

"Helen, c'mon babe, wake up."

She mumbled incoherently and shifted a little.

"_Helen_."

"Mm, what?" She opened her eyes wide in surprise, bringing a hand to the back of her head. "_Ow_! What hap—_where are we_?!" she exclaimed, seeing the cables of a bridge and the lights of a city far below. Her hair whipped around her face and she shivered and stared at him. "We're up on the bloody Golden Gate bridge, aren't we?"

"Yes."

"Wh…Wh…I don't understand. Did someone hit me?"

"Yeah, the crabbier blonde kid whacked you over the head with a book."

"_Why_?"

"I think he just felt like it."

"What a little jackass! He'll so pay for that."

"I took care of it for you."

Helen stared at him. "You… Wait, no one's hurt are they?!"

"Well…your friend's demon attacked me, then she and that Draco kid joined up with them, so I orbed out with you."

"_Chris_! We have to go back!"

"I'm not going back," he said, turned his face away. "I'll orb you back if that's what you want."

Her expression softened. "Chris, what happened to your jaw?"

"The demon socked it."

"Why would Spike do that? Did he go vampire? What did you do to him?"

"He punched me!"

"Chris, that's not all of it, I know it can't be. Be honest, what happened?"

He grimaced. "Well, me and the blonde that knocked you out were fighting, then the demon got in the middle and he and I started going at it, and I knocked him out, and then your friend went ballistic, and I orbed us away."

Helen's mouth hung open. "Is anyone hurt?"

"The witches there can heal, can't they?"

"_Chris_!" she exclaimed.

He looked away angrily and waved his hand. Helen appeared in the middle of the room, blinking. Every stared at her.

"Oh my god," she breathed. "Is everyone okay?"

Laurie jumped up. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Did Mina—?"

"Yes, but—"

"Where's that bastard boyfriend of yours?" Malfoy demanded. "He's not coming back, is he, cuz I'll—"

"_We'll_," Spike added.

"Right. _We'll_ beat the bloody shit out of him."

"No," Helen sighed, dropping into a couch. "He's not coming back. Not because he's afraid of you, but because he knows it'll just be a fight again and I don't want that."

"Where'd he take you?" Laurie asked.

Helen smiled ruefully. "On top of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco."

Laurie rolled her eyes. "Of course."

Mina changed back Helen's hair to its original color but no one really noticed.

"I think he needs to get his ass back here so we can finish this like men with no magical help," Spike growled.

"I can Apparate there," Malfoy said quickly, an angry glint in his gray eyes. "C'mon." He grabbed Spike's arm and they disappeared with a _pop_.

Laurie blanched. "Oh no. Mina, let's go." They Apparated away.

Helen growled angrily and grabbed onto Nereza who had taken Malfoy's hand, and they followed.

They appeared with a pop on their feet on the top of a tier. Nereza was almost blown off the edge by the gusting wind, but Malfoy caught her arm.

"Careful," he warned. She nodded, eyes wide, holding tightly to Malfoy's arm and glancing fearfully down at the cars passing below.

Spike's eyes darted around the small flat space. "He's not here. Maybe on another tier?"

"I'll call him," Helen sighed. "He can hear me—it's one of his Whitelighter things. Chris!"

Chris' disembodied voice met their ears. "What're they all doing here?"

"Chris," Helen called, "get your astral ass all the way down here, please."

He orbed in front of the group and crossed his arms over his chest, his face hard. "What is this?"

"I'm here to kick your ass, that's what this is," Spike growled. "We'll finish this. No magic. I won't even go vamp on you."

Chris' eyes were stony as he glanced at Helen. He cocked an eyebrow.

"You hurt some of my friends, Chris," she sighed heavily. "I know the fault is not all yours, but still. If you had used your brains instead of your fists and your magic…"

"And yet apparently this is going to be resolved with violence," he muttered.

"…That's true," she murmured, biting her lip. She turned to Spike. "Spike?"

"Sorry, love," he growled, taking a step toward the Whitelighter.

"I'm sorry, Chris, I—"

"_You're_ sorry? You're not the one being advanced upon by a demon and unable to use magic here."

"Chris…"

"You kiddies might want to leave before there's bloodshed," Spike growled. Helen paled.

"I want to stay," Malfoy protested.

"No," Laurie said firmly. "Hermione?"

Mina nodded. She grabbed the two Dracos and Nereza and Laurie took her arms.

Helen bit her lip. "Chris, if it gets bad, call Leo, okay? Chris?"

"Go on, Helen," he replied, his eyes on Spike.

"Spike…" Helen whimpered pleadingly. The vampire grunted in response and Laurie took her friend's arm.

"C'mon."

Mina Apparated them back to the room. They sat down stiffly and waited. Laurie made a plate of cookies appear, and passed them around.

Helen stood and began to pace. "Oh god, I hope Spike doesn't…"

"He won't," Laurie assured. "Sit. Have cookie."

Helen took a small one from the offered plate and nibbled it, ashen-faced.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

Spike limped into the room clutching his stomach, sporting a bloody jaw, lip, and nose, a black eye, a very bloody arm, a trickle of blood from his hairline.

Helen leapt up. "_What-happened-is-Chris-okay-what-did-you-do-should-I-go-to-him-how-bad-is-it_?!"

Laurie hurried to her love and helped him into a chair.

"_Spiiike_!" Helen wailed.

The vampire grinned bloodily. "Eh, he's in need of healing, that's for sure. Gotta give 'im credit, though, he fights like hell, magic or no. Especially cornered. Bloody hell."

"Can someone get me there, please?" Helen whimpered, and Nereza Apparated her away with a flick of her wand and a brief moment of concentration.

She _popped_ onto the bridge tier and spun around, the wind from the high height buffeting around her. She saw her angel slumped against a cement protrusion.

"Chris!" she exclaimed, and fell to his side. She gently cupped his bloody face in her hands. "Chris?"

He stirred and opened his eyes a crack. "Helen?" he murmured.

"Of course." She smiled a little. "I'm calling Leo."

He coughed and nodded.

"LEO! _LEO_!"

Chris' Whitelighter father orbed beside them. He saw Chris and immediately kneeled beside them. "My god, what happened?"

"Long story," Helen replied. "Just heal him, please."

Leo nodded and moved his hands over Chris, his palms glowing with a warm, healing light.

Chris sat up when Leo's hands withdrew, looking perfectly fine. "Thanks."

Leo nodded. "What happened? It didn't look like a demon did it..."

"Well, it was. I'll just tell you later, okay? Could you leave Helen and I alone, please?"

Leo nodded and orbed away. Chris reached out his hand and touched Helen's face gently.

"Why do you still look worried? It's over," he murmured.

"I just wish none of that shit had happened."

"That makes two of us," he said softly as he pulled her close to him.

Helen smiled. "I saw what you did to Spike. Impressive."

"I held my own for a while."

"That's why it took so long."

He nodded and rubbed her back. "D'you think I have to go back there again?"

She sighed. "No. You probably shouldn't. The Dracos still want to beat you up as well."

"Now those two I could take."

"Yes, well, you're not going to."

"I'm sorry I messed stuff up for you, babe."

"Yeah, well, that's how you are."

Chris pushed her gently, looking hurt. "Hey now."

"No, I mean, if you didn't try and be so macho all the time that wouldn't've happened. I know you didn't mean for it to turn out like this...you guys just don't think about stuff. You use your hormones and muscles and protective instincts. It's flattering and infuriating at the same time."

"That's guys for you."

"Blegh."

"This situation, however, leaves you without someone."

She shrugged. "Now I get to make fun of everyone with guys! Maybe I'll think of one that would get along better with the rest of the lot and bring them."

"I'm jealous now. You're the only girl _I've_ got."

Helen tapped her chin sarcastically. "Now, I wonder why that is..."

"You're mean."

"You know I'm just kidding. You're lovable when it's just you and me, but you're too rough to play nice with the other puppies."

"You don't know the world I've grown up in," he muttered, looking away.

She wrapped her arms around him. "I know, babe. I said I don't blame you at all."

Chris kissed the top of her head in response.

She sighed. "Well, I probably should get back or they might come here after me. They wouldn't put abducting me past you."

Chris rolled his eyes and stood with her. "Yeah, yeah."

"Will you orb me back?"

"Wait just a minute." He pulled her toward him and kissed her deeply, then orbed her back as he pulled away.

Laurie looked up as her friend materialized. "Everything okay?"

Helen nodded and went to sit next to her. Spike gave her a light touch on the shoulder, and she smiled a tiny bit.

Laurie looked at Helen sympathetically. "I know Chris was, like, your main squeeze." She did a gangster hand symbol. "He was yo home doggy dog."

Helen cracked up. "Don't ever do that again!"

Laurie shrugged playfully. "Hey, at least with Chris gone, our wonderful characters won't fight anymore!"

"Mm." Helen reached over and stole a cookie right out of Spike's hand. "Thanks."

"Eh!" Spike grinned, showing off his rather abnormally-long canine teeth. Helen threw the cookie back in fright and Spike and Laurie cracked up, ending in the vampire hauling Laurie onto his lap and kissing her passionately.

Helen groaned and smacked them both on the back of the head. "Witness present. Get a room. Preferably separate."

Laurie grinned madly. "I have the perfect solution for your loneliness." She snapped her fingers and a fluidly-cursing gloriously-rugged-looking Murtagh appeared beside their couch. Laurie reached out and shoved him onto the couch right onto Helen. "He's my "goodbye Chris" present for you," she said, then returned to Spike's lap.

Murtagh wriggled awkwardly on top of Helen, looking down at her flaming face. He found the couch with his hands and pushed himself off of her. "I'm so sorry," he said quickly, blushing himself. "She just pushed me and I—"

"I know. It's okay," Helen said quickly, gazing at him in all his delicious glory.

Murtagh grinned awkwardly. "So you're…?"

"Helen."

"Right. And, um, could you explain to me how I came to be in this room?"

Helen giggled but didn't answer him. "Laurie, I love you by the way," she said.

"Don't I know it," her friend replied, though it was muffled, and she and Spike presently rolled off the couch. Murtagh stepped quickly out of their way, staring. "Do they…do this often?"

Helen laughed. "Well, they were interrupted for a while, but they seemed to have picked things back up."

Murtagh chuckled nervously.

"Soo…" Helen began. "Where's Thorn?"

Murtagh glanced sharply at her, then, seeing she didn't mean anything by it, replied, "I guess where I left him…before I came here. How, exactly…?"

"Don't ask. Really. Just don't."

"…Okay." He looked around at the couples making out—even Nereza and Malfoy in a corner. Helen also noticed that particular couple.

"Those kiddies aren't supposed to do that yet," she muttered. She took up a pillow and chucked it at them. "Break it up—you're getting way ahead of your plot!"

They ignored her and Helen sighed and turned back around. "Hopeless. Absolutely hopeless."

"Love is hopeless?" Murtagh asked dubiously, sitting beside her.

"No, no, just keeping them away from each other is." She smiled at him. "They gravitate. I made them that way." She realized as she spoke that she and Murtagh were leaning closer together. Murtagh pulled back a little and cleared his throat.

"So, that's all you people do here? Make out?" he asked.

"Eh, mostly," she answered. "And eat and watch movies."

"We need to liven this up."

"What do you suggest?"

From the floor, Laurie surfaced from Spike's embrace with great effort. "Ooh, ooh, I know! Let's play truth or dare!" She got up and hopped around excitedly, pulling everyone off one another and bringing them to the central couch area. "Everybody know how to play?"

Murtagh's face was mystified, so she went on, "Here's the skinny of it. I ask someone a question. They can either choose to tell the truth—and I _have _a lie detector—or you can choose to take a dare. If you choose dare, you have to do whatever the person who's turn it is wants you to do. There are no limits, but the dares only involve the person that chose to take the dare. So, we cannot dare out significant other to kiss us. Got it, you horny people? We're gonna take a break from the snogging!"

Mina's wicked smile matched Laurie's. "Veritaserum, Laurie?"

"You got it."

"What's this 'Veritaserum'?" Spike asked, looking back and forth between the two.

"Well," Laurie grinned, "it makes you have to tell the truth when you're asked a question. Everyone ready to play?"

Spike blinked. "Oh this could get ugly."

Malfoy and Nereza shifted uneasy.

"What's wrong?" Laurie asked.

"I have…" Nereza began, then, glancing at Malfoy beside her, "er, _we_ have secrets we cannot reveal to anyone without risking our deaths."

Laurie rolled her eyes. "We already know about all the Dark Lord secrets. We also, frankly, don't care. Notice why Draco raised his hand—_un_afraid to spill his guts in front of the viewing public."

"So, we have noting to hide?" Draco asked.

"Nada. Zip. Zilch. You okay to play now?" Laurie said. They nodded, so she turned to Spike. "Truth or dare?"

"Uh…"

"Careful now, I got one heck of a dare waiting for you."

He sighed dramatically. "Fine. Truth."

"Okay. Are you really evil, or do you just pretend because you think vampires are _supposed _to be evil. C'mon, spill."

Spike grimaced and sighed heavily. "I'm only evil because whenever I'm nice or start to care about someone, they let me down and break my heart. So I have to act evil and cold so no one can hurt me. And it's also because vampires _are_ supposed to be evil. But, technically, Angelus and I are exceptions to the rule."

"Wow," Laurie said, smiling. "And that was _without _the Veritaserum."

"_What_?" Spike yelled.

Laurie laughed. "It's a potion you have to drink, Spike."

"Damn it, Laurie," he growled. "That means you got a freebie."

"Yep. Now…Mina, will you do the honors?"

Hermione nodded and administered a vial of Veritaserum to each person. She watched carefully as each hesitantly swallowed it down.

"Now the game starts for real," Laurie said, excitement in her voice. She turned to Helen. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Helen exclaimed boldly. Seeing the evil glint in Laurie's eyes, she quailed. "Wait, maybe I…"

"Too late! I dare you to let Mina glamour you into looking exactly like Megan Dolfman. And you have to stay like that until the game's over or until someone dares you to change back." She laughed. A/N: Megan's a girl from our school. Kind of an inside joke.

"Agh! No!" Helen shuddered. "You're horrible! Murtagh won't be able to look at me!" She blanched as Mina came toward her, wand out. "Wait. This won't affect me internally, will it? Cuz the sudden plummet in IQ points might do some serious damage."

Laurie laughed. "Nope."

"Okay. Get it over with, then…"

Mina brandished her wand expertly while everyone watched expectantly. She stepped back and conjured a mirror, holding in front of Helen, who cringed.

"Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew-ew-ewwwwy! I look like one of _themmm_. She pulled the tight, short, blue-jean miniskirt down with effort, then grimaced, pulling the shirt and lacy cami upwards. "Eesh. I feel horribly exposed. Why did you have to give me her clothes—that wasn't in the bargain."

"Actually it was," Draco chuckled. "Laurie said '_exactly_ like Megan'."

"Y'know," Malfoy mused, eyeing her very tan barely-concealed breasts, "that body isn't too bad."

Nereza slapped his leg, looking indignant.

"Are you kidding?" Spike said. "Look at that honker of a nose!"

"She looks like a parrot," Murtagh commented.

Helen scowled at him. "My real body includes a rather large nose, dragon boy."

"You do _not_ have a big nose. You're much cuter than her. She looks like someone stuck her in a toaster."

Helen out her arms and legs. "Ugh, yes. she'll have skin cancer by the time she's twenty. She probably owns a tanning bed. And her hair..." she whined, feeling it. "I feel frosted." She covered her chest with her arms and squirmed. "Ewwy! I want out of this thing! Laurie, you're cruel."

"And lovin' it, m'dear," Laurie replied, grinning. Spike laughed as Helen glared at her.

Laurie shuddered. "Megan glaring is not pretty. I'll have nightmares." She laughed suddenly. "I can hardly take you seriously looking like that."

"You never take me seriously normally," Helen snapped.

Laurie smiled and shrugged. "This is beside the point."

"Is not." Helen tugged the shirt up and the skirt down again. "Alright, who shall be the next victim?" She suddenly spazzed a little, and Murtagh, who had just put his arm down casually next to her, touching her leg slightly, jumped.

"What?" he asked, staring.

"Don't touch me looking like this! I'm—I'm—contaminated!"

"Sorry, geez," he replied, scooting away a little.

"Okay…mm…" Helen murmured, as she looked around the group. "Hermione. Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Mina answered as she twirled the empty vial of Veritaserum in her fingers.

Draco gasped and Mina rolled her eyes at him. "Drama Queen."

"Queen?!"

"Shush, I want to play."

"Mmmm," Helen mused, tapping her chin for effect. "What should I ask...?"

"Ugh, that face is so creepy," Spike said.

Helen shot him a glare. "This coming from Mr. Undead," she replied, rolling her eyes. Spike chuckled. "Anyway…Hermione…" She looked away, thinking hard. Laurie laughed suddenly.

"Seeing Megan's face thinking is strange—it's a rare expression for her," she giggled.

Helen smiled. "You shush. I'm in-between two good questions. I think I'll save the other, though. Alright. Hermione, what do you truly think and feel about Ronald Weasley?"

Draco scooted forward in anticipation. "I've always wanted to hear the answer to this one..."

"Helen, I bloody hate y—" Mina started, but the truth came flying out of her mouth courtesy of the potion she had taken. "My first impression of him was class idiot, definitely. And then I got to know him and he became social-skills deprived monkey. And then, at the Yule Ball, he became hormonal-overly-jealously-hideously-dressed-class-idiot-monkey with no social skills. Everyone thought I liked him, but, in actuality, I was studying him and getting paid by an American institution that studies mental impairments. They thought he was the worst they'd ever seen."

Draco and Laurie both fell out of their chair, laughing. Malfoy reached over to shake Mina's hand, grinning. "You're a regular Slytherin, you are!"

Mina sighed. "I hate how evil that makes me sound."

"Who's this Wesley character?" Spike inquired.

"Don't ask," Laurie laughed.

"Mina, you're mean," Helen giggled. "His heart's in the right place, at least."

"That's all he's got going for him. And I mean _all_. Blegh."

"But you respect Harry, don't you? What do you think Harry truly thinks of Ron?"

Draco smiled wickedly. "Let's bring him here and find out—give 'im a big dose of the potion."

"It'd be too cliché to have Harry here," Helen said, shaking her head. "Plus, I'm rather tired of Mr. Potter, honestly. And do you really think that's wise to bring Harry here? We've got _two_ Dracos, a vampire, and a sort-of-evil Dragon Rider present. Not Harry's preferred company."

"Very true," Laurie agreed. "So, Mina, who ya gunna dare?"

"Well," she said, smiling. "There's something I've been wondering about Nereza..."

Nereza paled and shifted nervously.

"Let's hear it," Draco said eagerly.

"I'm curious, myself," Malfoy agreed.

"Yes, expose little miss gorgeous," Spike added.

"I have nothing to hide here," Nereza said, hardening her face.

"But I bet you have something to be embarrassed about!" Spike said, grinning. "I'm sure little miss witch here can help with that."

"Nereza," Mina said slowly for dramatic effect, "How many times have you _done it_?"

Laurie, Draco, and Spike cracked up. Malfoy and Murtagh watched curiously and Helen smiled knowingly.

Nereza glared at her. "Leave it to you, Hermione, to ask—" Her rebuke was halted by the potion and she blurted the truth: "Three times."

"Tell," Mina prompted.

"Once with some inconsequential forth-year because I was curious, once with a boytoy last year, and now once with Blaise." Her face reddened at the last name she gave.

Mina gasped. "You shagged Blaise Zabini?! Oh, gross! He's such a man-whore!"

Malfoy's face was an interesting shade of puce. "You and Blaise are shagging?" he growled.

Nereza didn't meet his gaze.

"He told me he was done with you! The lying snake!" he cried. "And you! You're such a little whore!"

"Oh," Nereza laugh sharply, "you're one to talk, Mr. Slytherin Prince of the Shallow Shag! Pansy means nothing to you and yet you fuck her whenever you feel like it!"

Draco shook with fury, a muscle below his eye twitching.

"God, Malfoy," Helen sighed. "Don't be so touchy about it. She's done much less than you, and you don't have a claim on her—yet, at least. _Males_," she scoffed.

"Virgins," Spike scoffed right back.

"Git," Helen returned.

"Poop," Spike said in mock-seriousness.

Helen stifled a laugh at his preschoolish insult. "Butthead."

"Onion breath." He kept his pale face perfectly serious.

"Rat face."

"Monkey snot."

"Rotten turd!"

"FUNGUS BRAIN!"

"TOAD PISS!"

"_Shup up, both of you_!" Malfoy roared, still angry. "_God_!"

Helen and Spike cracked up.

"_Anyway_," Nereza growled, "it's _my_ turn now, and I choose the obnoxious vampire."

"Uh…" Spike faltered, remembering the dare Helen went through, "truth."

Nereza sighed. "You're no fun. Alright, how did you become a vampire?"

Spike grimaced, but then winced as the Veritaserum prodded his story. "Okay, so when I was like 20, I had this obsession with a broad name Cecily before I was sired." He sighed. "When she bloody _refused_ me, I was devastated and went trapeizing down the street and, low and behold, Drusilla found me and bit me. Then, wanting to save my mum from tuberculosis, I bit my mum and then, like the wench she was, she told me she had always hated me, so I staked her." He paused at the slight gasp from the audience.

"Anyways," he continued, "after that, I traveled with Drusilla, Angelus, and a chick named Darla and terrorized Europe and Asia. I will have to say though that even if Drusilla _sired_ me, it was Angelus who made me a monster. He tortured me and constantly baited me to kill more and more. Angelus was plain evil—and he was in it for the evil. I was in it for the adrenaline rush. I never really liked killing that much...

Laurie sniffed and wrapped her arms around him. "Aww…Spike…"

All the girls suddenly got up to all-but smother the pallid vampire in sympathetic embraces.

"Oh bloody hell," Malfoy growled.

When they pulled away, Laurie said, "Your turn now, love."

Spike smirked. "I choose… the annoying blonde git."

"Which one?" Laurie laughed.

"The nicer one," he answered. "Truth or dare, blondie?

Draco scowled at him. "Dare."

Spike smirked evilly. "I dare you to magic yourself into a talking, constantly bouncing blonde ferret, and you have to stay that way until the end of the game."

Laurie, Helen, and Mina burst into laughter and Draco and Malfoy glared at Spike.

"What?" Spike asked.

"How did you know about the ferret thing?" Laurie asked.

Spike shrugged, looking confused. "I just think he happens to resemble a ferret."

Draco glowered at him as he pulled out his wand. "And this is coming from Captain Peroxide..." He pointed his wand at himself and said the charm. Everyone in the room cracked up as Draco shifted into a white ferret and began bouncing around the room.

"_SQUEEAK_!" came Draco's high-pitched ferret voice. "It's my turn now! I pick the other MEEEE!! _SQUEEAK_!"

Malfoy blanched and Mina watched her love hurtling around the room with a worried expression.

"I'm okaay!" he assured her, bouncing past. "_Squeak_! Truth or dare? _Squeak!_"

"Er…truth," Malfoy replied.

"Coward!" Draco the ferret exclaimed, bouncing past him. "_SQUEEAK_!"

"You happen to be bouncing around the room as a white ferret," Malfoy returned. "I'll go with truth, thank you."

Draco bounced up. "_Squeak_! There's a nice—view from—up here! _Squeak_!"

"Yeah, whatever. My question, please, ferret boy."

"Ferret boy! You forget—that I—_squeak_!—know you and—I can make—you real embarrassed—_squeak_!—in front of—these people! _Squeak_!"

Malfoy's face hardened. "Do your worst."

"Fine! Squeak! Eeek!" He suddenly bounced off the wall and right into Mina's lap. Mina tried to catch him, but Draco couldn't stop bouncing around.

"I don't like this dare!" Mina exclaimed.

"How do—you really feel—_squeak_!—about your—assignment?" Draco asked Malfoy, who paled and glared murder at his counterpart hurtling past. "I hate you," he growled.

"That's for—calling me—_squeak_!—'ferret boy'!"

Malfoy ground he teeth, but couldn't hold the truth back for long. "I'm…terrified. My dad pressured me into this whole thing...my family honor...our ties with Slytherin... But I feel like...like Voldemort is using me as a distraction—like he knows I can't succeed and doesn't care if I die or not. None of this was my choosing and...and I..." —he struggled hard against the potion, but in vain—"I feel like I'm drowning...and so...I'm so…alone." He hid his red face in his hands. "I've been smothered for as long as I can remember, and now...now it feels like there's nothing left inside me to smother. All that's left is...is fear, and...god...I... N-no one cares if I live or die. No one cares. I...I have nothing," he trailed off, keeping his face covered so the group wouldn't see his tears.

"Oh Draco," Nereza breathed, wrapping her arms around him and holding him close. Draco pulled away stiffly, took a couple deep breaths, and steeled his expression with some effort, his cheeks red. He cleared his throat. "Okay, my turn." He looked at Laurie. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Laurie replied. "You're not going to phase me."

Malfoy smirked wickedly. "I dare you to magic yourself into a vampire and not bite anyone for the entirety of the game...not even Spike...or until you pass out from lack of sustenance."

Spike growled threateningly. "You don't know what you're asking, kid. That's cruel. Take it back, or I will rip your heart out."

Laurie put up a hand before Malfoy could voice his angry retort. "Fine," she said, to Spike's surprised and indignant stare. "I'll do it. Mina?"

"Umm…" Mina faltered. "Are you sure?"

Laurie nodded.

"Okay then…" She quickly preformed the spell.

"Tie me to a chair!" Laurie yelled. "Now!"

Spike moved her quickly to a chair and tied her up tightly as her skin went deathly pale, her eyes turning more black than blue, dark circles forming beneath them, and her muscles tightening and developing.

"You're gunna be okay, love," Spike soothed. "You're just dying for the moment…"

"Dying?" Laurie gasped, her eyes widening. "I don't want to die…"

Spike turned to glare hatefully at Malfoy. "Take it back!"

"Please!" Mina exclaimed, watching fearfully as glistening white fangs grew from Laurie's canine teeth. "Vampires are extremely dangerous!"

"_SQUEAK_!" Draco exclaimed, still bouncing around. "Turn her back! She's our friend!"

"She accepted the dare," Malfoy replied. "Get. Over. It. You. Bunch. Of. Ponces."

"I will kill you," Spike growled in all seriousness.

"Spike, don't," Laurie panted. "Just let the game finish…this is the last round. I hand my turn over to Helen." She lifted a trembling white hand and Spike grasped it tightly.

"'Ellen," he growled, "ask the ruddy dragon-boy a question."

"Uh—uh—uh—truth or dare?" Helen asked, quickly, jittering off her seat in anxiety.

"Truth, you idiot!" Spike yelled, when Murtagh didn't answer right away.

"Truth!" Murtagh said quickly.

"What's your worst memory?!" Helen asked.

"When my father smote me on the back with a sword!" he replied, wincing.

"Sorry about that, Murtagh—MINA, CHANGE BUNNY BACK!!" Helen shouted, standing up.

"Okaay!" Mina exclaimed, jumping in front of rabid Laurie and undid the vampire curse/spell. Laurie sunk into the chair, her returning and eyes changing back.

"Holy shit…" she breathed.

Spike untied her gently. "You alright, love?"

"Aw, that wasn't nearly long enough," Malfoy pouted, then shrank away from the collective glare sent his way.

"God, that took a lot out of me," Laurie murmured. "Spike, I had a glimpse of your world, and it is hell. You have my sympathies."

"Thank you," he replied softly, lifting her and setting her on his lap.

"We should kick you out for that little stunt, Malfoy," Helen said, scowling at him.

This wouldn't be a party without me," Malfoy replied, smirking. "You'd miss me, admit it."

"Yes, why wouldn't anyone miss a cocky, evil little toad?" Mina snapped.

Malfoy scowled at her, then noticed Nereza's look.

"Why do you have to be like that?" she asked, her eyebrows knitted. "Are you trying to make up for how sweet you sounded when you confessed your fears?"

Malfoy's smirk faded. He looked away and shrugged as if it didn't matter. Nereza set her face and looked away from him.

"So now what do we do now that the game is over?" Murtagh asked. Helen stared at him.

"Well, first of all," she said, "I WANT MY BODY BACK!"

Murtagh about fell off the couch and everyone laughed. Mina flicked her wand and transformed her back. Helen hugged herself and fell back against the couch against Murtagh's arm, but neither of them moved awkwardly away this time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

And after this, Laurie and I stopped adding to it because it had become one hell of an email and we were a bit tired. But I hope you enjoyed this little liaison between the characters that dwell in our fantasies. Review, please! I'd like to know if you all think we're utterly insane or very funny. Thanks!


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